Here's my quandry. Pessimism as a life view has gained popularity in many circles due to the supposed disappointment-buffering qualities. Supporters says that if you never expect anything good to happen, then at worst you are expecting any failures that come along, and at best are pleasantly surprised when something good happens. It sounds sensible in theory, a simple case of calculating probability and outcome. I don't believe it works like this, but I have huge difficulty explaining why. A problem I hope to remedy by putting down on sexy sunset-template paper and trying to structure it for a public forum.
Your choices in life structure your personality. Your goals, perspectives, reactions and opinions are all informed by the way you choose to lead your life. This is why I have such strong views on issues like cosmetic surgery, or on the differences in personality between the physical ideal and those of us who have quirks and traits that we have to learn to accept. I believe that, within reasonable limits, we should all be forced to develop the strength to accept who we are. It's the school bully scenario; you get bullied for being ginger, do you dye your hair or do you learn to stand up for yourself? In the context of adulthood; you gain the view that small tits are ugly through gossip-media. Do you dish out £5000 to inject them with plastic, or do you find some way to accept what you've got?
The majority of people take the first option in most examples of a conflict like this, and that angers me in a very deep way. I can understand and accept the need for children to avoid conflict like that; or for people to give in from time to time and let themselves indulge in some change to make their lives easier. For small, almost juvenile decisions, or for the truly life defining ones however... Gah. The pretty kids at school grew up to be so much more dull than those who had to fight for who they wanted to be. I adore the girl with red hair who has come out the other end to discover that guys appreciate the mix of firey appearance and deep character. I am close friends with the guys who were never confident or talented enough to attract girls easily, and so developed the most striking wit I've ever experienced. I AM the guy who had crippling acne throughout all of high school and was delighted to learn that no one who knew me gave the slightest bit of shit about any of it.
The woman who has surgery just to fulfil some need to have larger breasts? She has looked at the world around her and said "I don't want to be myself, I want to be how they want me" and so taken one step closer to homogenising her society. Instead of, after some hardship and character searching, learning through experience to enjoy who she is; she has removed any need to ever have that conflict. Sigh, wont she be good dinner table conversation? I've taken a simplified example, but it illustrates my view clearly enough.
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| Of course, my opinions don't apply if you're competing in the 'biggest fake breasts' competition. I'm not kidding, this woman actually won it. 36MM! Bravo. |
Let's bring it back to the idea of pessimism, which I think works in the same way. Imagine the situation where a person is going to be sitting an exam in a course that, objectively, they are quite good at. Throughout all of their studying, organisation and motivation-gathering they have chosen to be pessimistic about the whole thing. To begin with, I believe they will try less hard due to a lack of believeable motivation (i.e. "Wow, I might pass this, think of how rewarding that will feel!"). At the same time I reckon they are giving themselves a pre-made denial clause for actually failing (i.e. "I knew I wouldn't pass, there's nothing that could have been done to improve my performance). Being able to say that; being able to immediately blame it on fate or an supposedly unstoppable component of your personality, stops you learning how to properly deal with failure.
The argument to that, is failure just aint easy. God how I know that. I work my ass off to try and continue a fortuitous spree of good grades that I would be crushed to lose. The people who acted rash and lashed out when they failed as younger people had two choices. They could have said "Aaaah why the hell was I ever optimistic? I'll never reach those shining pinnacles of achievement. Next time I will approach it without such determination." Or they could have made the painful choice to try again simply to experience the thrill that came from playing the game properly. True sportsmanship is signified by the man who tries his damned hardest to win, but shakes the hand of the man he lost to, promising a tougher challenge next year. Not the man who sighs and tells his opponent "Acht, I knew you'd win." then only puts in a token effort next time around.
All of this has to be informed by the limits of a person's abilities. I'm quite a fast runner but I wouldn't expect to win against somebody who had actually trained and who had a passion for it. That isn't a case of optimism versus pessimism, but more a healthy injection of realism. In situations where you genuinely are good at something, (your companions, teachers or trainers tell you so) it becomes harder to realistically get away with acting the pessimist.
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| Pessimists have fewer Lols. Fact. |
Those are its hidden flaws. Hidden, because they don't directly affect pessimists themselves. Firstly, a pessimist will often vocalise their lack of faith in their abilities to peers and teachers. The same peers and teachers that expend effort in trying to convince the person they can do something (if you've ever tried and failed to inspire a friend, you'll understand the frustration this can cause. It is eventually difficult to differentiate from attention seeking). Secondly, a pessimist will be unsporting in the same manner I wrote about above, and the pessimist will never develop any capacity to change this part of themselves. They will simply accept any failing of their part to be due to their personality rather than their abilities. Can you see the cycle? Believing that you will fail > failing > strengthening your belief that you will fail > failing...
It isn't broken by succeeding, because any victories will be chalked immediately to luck! Bringing me back to the first part of this post. They wont say "Oh wow! Things are looking up!" That would be optimism. Instead they will go "This won't last...". What a... what a depressing way of looking at life.
The summary of my rant is this: Your choices make who you are. If you choose to fight for character traits you believe in, you not only attain a positive view of yourself, but it is matched by the personality traits that came from the struggle (like determination, self-confidence). If you choose to change who you are in order to escape conflict, you might -with luck- end up with a positive self image, but you wont have the personality traits that will allow it to last. How long until those fake breasts begin to look unsatisfying to the women that have discovered the ease of changing themselves once before? Whilst optimism is paired with disappointments, defeats, wasted efforts; it also comes with the benefits of learning how to deal with competition, stress, adversary. Pessimism by its very nature is the avoidance of having to experience failure. It might give you an easier ride, but you wont learn how to sail if you don't go through choppy waters.
I dislike seeing my friends saddened from a defeat or disappointment; but I know they would never have forgiven themselves had they never really tried in the first place.
So I suppose...optimism, for me. Optimism is the way to go.
Phew.
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For a more academic insight into the ideas of pessimism and optimism, look up locus of control, self-efficacy and Rogers' (1954) views about the differences between the actual and ideal self.
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